Friday, January 16, 2015

un privé.

Hi all -

I am alive and well - no worries, just been busy as you can imagine. As promised in posts before, this blog is going private with the arrival of my daughter. I still want to write in this space and share but not with creepo's on the internet who steal pictures and other deplorable stuff I don't want to think about.

That being said, if you still want to follow along, feel free to comment or send me an email at and I can add you to the approved list. I'm going to start writing and drafting some posts but will leave this announcement up for one week before I pull the private button to give people a chance to reach out.

I can't promise that I'll write a lot, or even frequently, but I'll do my best. Thanks for your support, xo.

Monday, December 29, 2014

tid + bits of life.

After being off for five (count em - FIVE) glorious days, I wanted to openly weep at the thought of going to work today. Why? Well, because I am officially overdue, over-cooked, over it.

40 weeks and 2 days
My child does not want to vacate the premises and is already punishing me. She is perfectly happy staying where she is, much to my and her father's protests. I had an appointment this morning where I am officially 0% dilated or effaced or anything really, other than 100% pregnant. This is despite my best efforts because you better believe I've been trying all the old wives tales possible in order to jump start this rodeo.

Delicious yet totally ineffective
I'm starting to feel like my body is broken and meant to just be pregnant forever. I know that's not physically possible, but my hormones are going haywire and I'm tired of feeling like I'm stuck on a plane that's sitting on a tarmac and can't take off.

The waiting plagues me. I alternate between one minute being so done that I just want her out of me and then another where I feel so claustrophobically scared shitless of giving birth that I don't mind if she stays put forever.

Basically, waiting sucks.

Aside from still being a literal fail whale, we had a truly fantastic Christmas. There were plenty of goodies (i.e. cookies I'm still shoveling in) and it was very low key, which was exactly what I needed. Carl had to work a half day on Christmas Eve so I ended up getting up at the same time as him to clean the house and get everything ready since we were hosting. I would have loved to have done Christmas at my parent's house on the Cape, but since we didn't know what would happen baby-wise, we wanted to make sure we were near the hospital - read: not potentially stuck in bridge traffic on a holiday.

My parents came around 11am and my sister and her family arrived shortly after around 1:30pm. Carl made it home by 3pm, just in time to start cooking dinner for everyone. We had plenty of apps, cookies, and clams before the main event - petite filets with gorgonzola sauce. We did gifts with the kids and then the rest of family, reserving Carl and I's gifts for each other and gifts for my parents to open on Christmas morning.

Christmas morning was nice and leisurely. We opened gifts around the tree and Santa was extra super awesome this year. Carl got me a gorgeous pair of Tory's that I've been after and this really cool cake slicer that I know will make my life so much easier when it comes to getting those perfectly even layers. Sadly, the Tory's have to wait until post-preggo because my feet are way too fat to fit in them.

I was so excited for Carl to open his gifts, mainly a new journal I had gotten for him. I knew the style would be right up his alley and it would be a special alternative to the typical Moleskin notebooks he writes in. Afterwards, we threw the sticky buns we have every year in the oven and had a relaxed morning watching A Christmas Story. All in all, it was perfect.

Carl and I spent the rest of the weekend being lazy and basically just waiting around to see if Baby Reese was going to make her appearance. No dice, so we got lots of Netflix watching, food cooking, and even managed to straighten up Carl's office a bit. Ruby loved us being home with her all that time and took every opportunity to be a snuggle monster. I love these photos so much even though I'm sure she probably only fell asleep because my sweater is SO soft (from my sister, from Soft Surroundings, amazing).

Carl got a Home Depot gift card from Dana and Joe and he was chomping at the bit to spend it. He knew exactly what he wanted to get - a shopvac - which was great because then we weren't in Home Depot for 10 years. Carl used to lament people who were interested in man toys like lawnmowers and now, low and behold, this is what he gets excited about. Getting older is weird.

I hope everyone had an amazing, wonderful, fantastical holiday filled with lots of good food, family, and friends. We are so lucky we were able to have the holiday we did and share it with those important to us. 2014 has been a year chock full of new beginnings, experiences, and lots of brand new babies into the world. We can't wait to meet ours. Wishing you a fabulous holiday season and a beautiful new year in 2015.

Monday, December 8, 2014

life lately.

I'm still pregnant, in case anyone was wondering. 37 & 2 to be exact.

No labor symptoms to report, aside from some Braxton-Hicks here and there and the occasional cramping. So far, homegirl is happy just hanging out in womb-land. The good news is that she is in the position and the reality is, it could be any time now, which is only kind of scary. I asked Carl last night what he would prefer (based on a conversation he had with our friend Jared, who is becoming a dad to twins this week!) - knowing ahead of time and thus panicking about the countdown OR leaving it as an unknown? He immediately defaulted to how he wish he knew because then he could stop worrying. I then kindly reminded him that for 40 hours out of the week, I'm in the place where I'll be delivering, so how much worrying is he really doing?

Ready to go
Otherwise, I've just been uncomfortable, mostly at night. The baby is either mellow and sleeping or doing acrobatics, there is no happy medium with her. I worry about what this bodes for the future. I had a growth scan last Tuesday because I'm still measuring larger and they estimated her weight at 7 lbs 11 oz, +/- 1 lb. I pray she is on the minus side of that estimate and not the larger. The ultrasound was great though because they did a biophysical profile of her, which measures her "milestones", movement, muscle tone, etc and she scored an 8/8. She was taking practice breath's and even wiggling her fingers. I saw the first somewhat clear picture of her face...she looks like she has my nose and Carl's mouth. Apparently she also has big feet, which did not come from this size 6 wearing mama.

Basically, I'm ready. I'm ready to meet her, I'm ready for her to be here. I had Carl take a (sweatpants, and gross) photo of me the other night to compare to Thanksgiving, because I was breathing easier and her kicks haven't been as high in my ribs, so I was wondering if I had started to drop. Instead, I just look higher! Also, it's amazing how different almost 2 weeks looks, even if you don't feel like you've gotten bigger.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, we had an awesome holiday. We had some ambiguity about what we were doing for Thursday because our family dog, Chloe, got really sick. Sadly, she's getting older (she's about 8-9) and right before Thanksgiving, she was throwing up constantly, getting sicker/dehydrated, and wouldn't eat. My poor parents were so worried about her and had never seen her like this. She ended up needing to go to the animal hospital and it turns out she has some pretty bad kidney stones and an enlarged liver. We didn't know if she was going to need emergency surgery due to one of the stones being too large for her to pass, hence the up in the air plans for Thanksgiving. Thankfully, she didn't and the hospital kept her until Friday, so we stuck to our original plan and headed up to my sister's house. By the way, Chloe is recovering fabulously and is doing much, much better.

I made the pumpkin pie, a squash souffle, and an apple crostata with a cheddar cheese crust. I had a whole plan to make all my dough on Tuesday night (particularly the pumpkin pie one which had to refrigerate for 4+ hours) so then on Wednesday I could just make all the fillings and bake everything. Since we weren't sure about plans, I ended up stopping on the way home Tuesday instead for a small frozen turkey and all the supplies to make our own Thanksgiving, just in case we were home on our own. When the plan was back on, I got stuck baking ALL afternoon on Wednesday. Literally from about 1pm - 10pm. I was so done and slept like a baby that night.

Thanksgiving rocked. Driving up to my sister's is a haul since we live closer to the Cape and she is up near the New Hampshire border. It's about an hour and change without traffic but thankfully we didn't hit any on the way up. It had snowed a little bit Wednesday night but of course, the weatherman hyped it up like it would be Snowmageddon 2014 so, people got out of dodge much earlier. We just hung out most of the day, watched football, and Carl entertained the kids. I spent a lot of the day cooking and helping out since my sister made a whopping 18 lb turkey and sneaking sips of beer, which tastes SO good to me right now. I was bad and had a glass of wine at dinner but didn't even end up finishing it. I know, who am I?

All the food was so delicious, I was still full the next morning and could barely eat breakfast.

Friday, we kept to tradition and got our Christmas tree. We were the second customers at the nursery to get one and it was nice to pick one out while there was still some snow on the ground setting the scene. I was able to help Carl get it into the house by taking the top and then holding it while he screwed the base on - usually my job since I'm smaller. We threw on Mickey's Christmas Carols, unearthed the ornament boxes from the attic, and got to town.

Tree skirt is from SewManly
Ruby is super interested in the tree this year. I've caught her laying under it a few times and I can't help but laugh when I have to yell at her to get out because she stands up and wags her tail so hard that ornaments start flying.

In keeping with the Christmas spirit, my mom, my sister, and I try to do something together around this time of year. Last year, we did the cooking class at Johnson & Wales in RI and this year, we stuck closer to home and took a wreath making class at Pastiche, a boutique down the road from my mom. I wasn't sure how much fun it was going to be at first but it ended up being really cool. It's actually SO easy to make your own wreath, you just have to trudge around in the woods for the right greenery. I was honestly amazed at what everyone put together. I kept mine a little bit on the smaller size, while others (Dana) made hers huge. They all came out really beautiful.

So, that's what's been happening in my hood. Mostly just waiting for something to happen and wrapping Christmas gifts. Tell me something good - did your baby come on time? I can't imagine still being pregnant 3 weeks from now.

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

pregnancy forums are weird.

I have a love/hate relationship with the What to Expect app. I really only used it to read about the progress of what was happening during each week of pregnancy, but as that only updates weekly, I found myself playing in it one day and realizing I had been auto-joined into the December 2014 group. Hooray?

As I started poking around in this forum, I slowly got addicted. Some of the topics were incredibly redundant and some of these people were so stupid I was amazed that they even figured out how to get pregnant in the first place. Someone actually once wrote, ""So, I know this is probably obvious, but when your water breaks, does it come out your pee hole or V hole?".

Pee hole and V hole.

BUT...I also found interesting posts from people who occasionally had the same questions I did or posted cute pictures of their finished nurseries. It was fun to follow along with all these other women on the same basic timeline at me and watch them hit the same milestones. It was also equally sad to see how many women lost husbands/fiances/significant others to cheating or cold feet along the way and my heart went out to those girls.

Until, I saw the crazies come out. Who, unfortunately, tend to dominate rather than be few and far between. Some of them I can't even touch because they will make me so ragey I won't be able to see straight - case in point: anti-vaccine mom's. If you don't vaccinate your kid, I automatically hate you and have nothing in common with you because you are 100% stupid. Sorry not sorry.

So, here is a breakdown of the type of people you will encounter in a pregnancy forum:

What's a Doctor?

I can't tell you the number of posts I see that start with, "Should I call?!", "What to do!?", etc and it's always, always about something health related. I know it's really tempting to default to Dr. Google and self-diagnose, but I don't understand how these women don't understand that if you have any kind of urgent health care question, you should always be calling your doctor. They don't care, seriously. It's what they are there for. People in a pregnancy forum are not medical professionals. They might claim to be RN's, MD's, etc but you have no idea who you are really talking to. The only person who can give you a direct, medically-backed answer is your OB-GYN or your PCP. So, pick up a phone for Christ's sake.

Please, look what came out of my body!

This goes hand in hand with the women who refuse to call the doctor but accompany their posts with graphic...and I mean of what exactly is happening to them. I've stopped reading these posts because I can't handle another potential upchuck from a surprise photo of a mucus plug or god knows what else. Again - CALL YOUR DOCTOR and stop posting your body fluids on the internet.

Teen Mom's

Teen mom's loooove pregnancy forums because it's, like, totally cool. They will often post topics like, "Pregnant at 17 - no judging!!" and then write about how excited they are to have a baby but lament that the baby's father is disengaged or not around and they want advice on why (spoiler alert: he's a teenager). Some of them are heartbreaking to read because these girls have little to no support available to them, but others are mostly mad that MTV hasn't called them yet.

Baby name "opinions"

These posts are almost always accompanied by a request for "honest opinions" except not really, they just want someone to tell them that their speshul snowflake name is omgsospeshul. And trust me, 100% of the time, it's heinous. Women will post looking for approval on names like ~*Neveah Ashlii*~, Honah Babi, or Rollz Roice and then get butthurt when people don't respond kindly, considering you're naming an actual, real human being, not a Bratz doll.

Case in point:

I...don't even know what to do with this. Steel Christian Storma? What is this? Days of Our Lives? 50 Shades of WTF? If Steel Storma isn't a soap opera name, I don't know what is.

The hole you can't crawl out of

Going hand in hand with people who post looking for approval or "honest" opinions, there are some women who just want to fight with anyone who dares to disagree with them. Usually it's the typical, OMG UR A HATER and most of the time, it will dissipate pretty quickly.

Other times however, just any other forum, it devolves into this disgusting display of, "Who Can Say the Worst Thing?". This is an actual verbatim shitstorm conversation I witnessed in one topic about a baby's name:

Poster 1: Honest opinion on baby's name - Babyfart Terriblename. Thoughts?
Poster 2: It's ur call bc it's ur baby but not my favorite
Poster 3: Why did you ask for honest opinions if you didn't want anyone to say they didn't like it?
Poster 1: Fuccc u bish, i hope ur baby comes out retarded

I wish I was kidding. I sat there, mouth agape, watching these women wish bodily harm on each other and their unborn children...over a freaking baby name.

I can't wait any longer - get this baby out of me!

As I inch closer and closer to my due date, so do all the other pregnant ladies in this forum. Over the past month, I've seen a massive uptake in posts about how to induce labor. These women are desperate, doing everything aside from shoving a knitting needle up there to break their own water.

For the life of me, I cannot understand it - you made it 9 months. Pregnancy does not continue on ad IS going to end eventually. Yet, rather than just waiting out the clock, women are taking castor oil, which does nothing but give you the shits really badly, doing something called a coffee potty that involves you steaming your vag with coffee grounds, or making and drinking a concoction called a "butter latte", which is exactly what it sounds like. Hell, I'm really uncomfortable too but you don't see me turning my downstairs into a vagina frappuccino because I'm tired of being pregnant. Just let it happen, because it totally will happen.

I just want to complain

Some people are just whiners. It doesn't matter what first world problem they are suffering from, they want to complain about it because most likely, their friends and family have stopped giving a shit.

"I just want to eat sushi"
"My husband left a dish in the sink!"
"The stupid hospital pushed my induction one hour - but I was ready NOW"

Basically, call the wahhhhh-bulance because these women are big, tired, and bitchy. Their husbands can't do anything right, everyone is out to get them, and life is just terrible. They post for sympathy pats on the head and often get them from other whiners. Validation!

So, that's the gist of my pregnancy forum experiences. I have to say, 99% of it is one giant eyeroll, but it does provide lots of mindless entertainment to pass the time in the waiting room for those OB appointments.

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