Tuesday, October 28, 2014

i'm alive, just boring. and eating spaghetti.

I'm not sick anymore...thank god.

I have no real excuse for not blogging except that my life just isn't that exciting right now and that I keep coming to this space expecting words to flow and then they just don't. So, in lieu of any kind of real blog post, here is a brain dump accompanied with some photos.

I have no motivation to do anything around my house. Laundry is in various piles around our bedroom. I haven't washed our sheets since last Sunday and I'm usually vigilant about washing them every single weekend. My shower needs to be scrubbed so Carl can re-caulk it. My downstairs is still an explosion of baby shower. There is dust everywhere. And ladybugs. I keep vacuuming them up and then they come right back. I don't also vacuum the living room rug like I should.

The reality is that I'm fucking tired. I wake up on the weekends or come home from work with every intention of doing these things and then I just don't. I'm so exhausted that I sleep in till 9:30 at least on the weekends, which is really unusual for me. When is this nesting thing supposed to kick in? I'd like my house to be cleaner but I can barely muster bending over nevertheless spot cleaning my whole home.

In that regard, I am large. I am the point where everyone tells me so. Yesterday, a nurse walked by me on my way to a meeting and goes, "Oh dear, you must be so uncomfortable. You look so miserable!". Usually I laugh to not be a jerk, but my waddling ass just has no patience anymore. So, instead I said, "You want to know misery? I still have two months left." That usually shuts people up. No, there aren't two in there. No, I'm not actually carrying a boy. No, I am not too low. I already feel like a narwhal when I need to move in any capacity, please just leave me alone. The good thing is that I think lack of social interaction due to shit like social media has made it so NO ONE touches me. I like it that way. I haven't had any freaky 'this stranger touched my belly' stories.

But really...this is at 30 weeks, when I finally started feeling like a human being again. I'm now almost 32. How am I supposed to get larger than this?

The nursery is almost done. Like so close to be being done I can taste it. It looks awesome and I love it so much; I can't wait to post photos. I sometimes just go in there to sit and think. I'm caught in that weird place where I can't wait to meet her and then I have to slap my face and make myself go read a book or do something at my own leisure that won't exist soon.

The one thing I'm being really anal about? The changing pad cover. I have no idea why, I just cannot settle on one that I like. I've been browsing all the usual sites, including Etsy, and I finally decided to recruit my mom to make one out of a fabric we can pick out together. She's planning to make me a small pillow for the glider, so they can be the same. I'm actually more excited about that. I feel like everything out there is just boring or is the usual slideshow of chevron vomit. Can we just be done with chevron already?

I'm ridiculously excited for the holidays. I can't wait for turkey. I've purposefully held off on getting Halloween candy until this week because I knew I would be buying it this week anyway to replace the candy I had already eaten if I bought some any earlier. Carl has to get the decorations out of the attic and I'm already looking forward to the overabundance of tiny Elsa's knocking on our door on Friday night.

Part of me is a little nostalgic and jealous of everyone who is going out to fun parties, especially with Halloween being on a Friday night. You can find me on the couch with the leftover candy. Speaking of, my little llama got groomed for the last time this year most likely and she is obsessed with this pumpkin we got her in the $0.99 bin at Petsmart.

Something has amped up in her during these past few weeks because she is a snuggle monster. Like way more than normal, particularly with the bump. Whenever I'm relaxing on the couch, she is right next to me or is trying to be as on top of me as possible. It's crazy. Then when I'm up and about, she's my shadow. I swear in the morning she is throwing me shade because she doesn't want me to leave because she's protecting me.

These are all taken on separate occasions. I worry so much about "forgetting" about her when the baby is here or not making her a priority, especially because she is so spoiled and loved now. I just hope she loves her baby sister and loves on her as much as she loves on Carl and I.

The baby moves in very deliberate ways now and it's so strange. It's harder and harder to switch sides in the night or even get out of bed, plus the length of time she moves are much more defined and longer. A few times I've had baby foot in my ribs (she is head down, according to my OB) but nightly, I can watch my belly jump and dance with her punches and kicks. Carl is still significantly weirded out by this but it fascinates me.

Work has been really busy due to the time I had to take off for the Cold of Doom 2014 but also because we've had a bunch of events that have been time consuming. I'm excited for the holidays to come around just so things die down a bit. Tonight is my last "late" night where I'll probably get home around 8pm. These nights are hard because they wipe me out. I'm basically counting down the time until I'm done. I'm pretty checked out, though I'm trying really hard to not be.

Last week, we had a 2 day, all day event off site since we didn't have any conference room space that would let us have the whole day. So, we ended up across the street in the basement of a church. I had to get up a couple of times and walk around and on one particular walk, I stumbled down the kid's school portion of the basement. Hanging on the wall was an informative poster about quilting and the different squares ones can learn to make. The kids had an assignment to draw one of these squares. I was smiling while looking at all of these until I noticed one that didn't quite belong...and I instantly snapchatted to my entire list.

I often wonder if I'm mature enough to be a mom.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

29 weeks & the cold of doom.

I've been sick since last Monday. No one warns you about what happens when you get sick while you're pregnant. Basically, you have 0% immune system because you don't want your body to fight the baby like it's a parasite. The other more dire part is that you can take next to nothing for meds. I mean, I get it, obviously the baby's safety is the number one priority. BUT, it does make for a hellish nightmare of illness.

I have a cold. I can't even imagine what having the flu would be like. If I wasn't pregnant, I would have downed some Nyquil and kicked this thing to the curb days ago. I've missed countless days of work. I have no idea how screwed I am when it comes to my leave. I was out last Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday I went in for an hour before they kicked me out. I was a hermit all weekend, save for a brief dinner on Saturday night. I thought I was starting to feel better but then it just kept going. I went into work on Monday and only lasted until about 11am before I got kicked out again. When you work in a hospital, if you come in hacking your brains out, you're going to get some side-eye for coming in and germ-ing up the office. I have no laptop, so I can't work from home. It's the pits.

Ruby has been my shadow this entire time. She loves having me home and is never far away from me or showing the belly some love.

So, yesterday, I was out again. I had a dr's appointment at 2:30pm with my OB. This was technically supposed to be last Thursday but I was so sick that they advised me to not come in and see my PCP instead, so this was my make-up appointment. My mom was kind enough to drive up from the Cape to take me and even brought me a humidifier to help get through this cold.

I had every intent of pleading my case for an antibiotic. That morning, I had absolutely had it. I was coughing so much the night before that Carl ended up sleeping on the couch and I was just so fed up with being sick and feeling like absolute crap. I was 100% throwing myself a pity party and on the verge of tears. I just wanted to finally start feeling better.

Unfortunately, I left with no antibiotic. I completely understand it's a last resort to take one and that I just have to ride this out. It's hard being out of work and especially with the weekend coming up. My friend Sarah has her baby shower and I really want to be able to go but I won't be able to if I'm still sick. I wouldn't want anyone to catch this.

Everything looked okay at the OB; the baby is measuring right on schedule and after some poking around, we found out she is head down, which is probably why I've been feeling some extra pressure down there. When the NP tried to get her heart rate on the doppler, she was moving around too much for her to get an average reading. They asked if I would be willing to do a non-stress test, to which I said of course.

A non-stress test is where they hook you up to a fetal monitor once you're nice and comfortable and listen to the heart rate for about 20 minutes or so. They also strap a second monitor to you to check and see if you're having any contractions. It's basically the same set-up you get when you're in labor...so, really sexy.

She was moving ALL OVER. It was honestly the craziest thing. She wouldn't settle down and you could just see my belly rolling over and over and over again. It's the first time I've ever really seen that happen - sometimes at night when I'm about to go to sleep, she'll be really active but never anything like this. She was putting on a show.

After over 30 minutes, they still couldn't get a baseline heart rate on her because of how all over the place she was. They wanted to make sure that her baseline wasn't actually set at an elevated level, so they sent me over to the hospital for extended monitoring. It sounds a lot scarier than it actually was, but I was really grateful that my mom decided to come with me for this appointment.

So, I ended up at work anyway. It was actually insightful because I got to see exactly where I would be going when I'm in labor. We even saw a very, very pregnant woman walking the halls trying to get her labor going. Once I got called back and hooked up (same scenario as at my OB), I was on the monitors for about 30 minutes before they told me everything looked great. Having this done is very routine and happens all the time, it's mostly just a double-check to make sure it's all good inside. Getting the all-clear that everything was fine was the best thing I could have heard.

Carl was a big old worry-wart, as usual. He is going to be a mess when this girl is born, I swear.

I'm home again today; I'm still coughing like crazy and just taking it easy. I'm really hoping it's the last day I'll need to do this and that I'm really and truly on the mend this time. Meanwhile, send some chicken soup and good thoughts my way.

Monday, October 13, 2014

showered with love.

I've been dying from the Cold of Doom 2014 since this past Monday, so I've had some serious couch time to write this out. I'm very jealous of you if you have today off, because I'm at work wishing I was sleeping.


I woke up on Saturday Oct 4th really excited to get dressed up.

I don't get many opportunities to get dressed up these days, especially when everything is uncomfortable and I can't have any alcohol to make uncomfortable things more comfortable. I had picked out my dress a few weeks in advance and was extremely excited to just feel pretty.

dress is from Rosie Pope Maternity here, but I snagged it on Gilt for half the price!
They tried really hard to make it a surprise. It almost was and the effort was seriously commendable. I am not an easy person to surprise by any means, especially because I'm nosy and will wear you down. The sad part about that is that I love surprises but more often than not, I spoil things for myself because I have no patience. My finding out about the shower was a complete accident and thankfully only the date. I didn't know any other details - just that my family and friends were putting tons of effort into it and I couldn't wait to see everybody.

When we pulled up, all the guys were waiting outside - my dad, brother in law, my uncle who had come up with my aunt just for the occasion, and my nephew running around the driveway.

We brought our things inside and I was surprised by how quiet it sounded. I made my way over to the dining room where I could see a beautiful table set-up and everyone who had already arrived jumped out and yelled, SURPRISE!

I was amazed at how beautiful everything looked and was so excited to see everyone, especially some friends I hadn't seen in months. Everything was exactly as I could have pictured it. I wanted the day to be low-key, close friends, and lots of laughing and hanging out. I wasn't very into the typical baby shower games or having it be a big fuss about me, I just wanted everyone to be able to spend time together and have a fun day.

The food was kept simple and highlighted my favorites, like crab cakes and peanut butter and jelly. Back when my mom asked what kind of food I wanted, I said PB&J and we were laughing about how to make it more fancy. I sent her this pin as a joke and low and behold, she actually made them!

They were delicious, btw.

My mom's friend Pam made this amazing elephant cake! She used to own her own candy store in downtown Plymouth and cake decorates but I was still blown away by how sweet this was. The fondant topper is stored away to be used for Baby Reese's first birthday.

There was a tea and martini beverage station where we each got our own glass. My mom brewed this ambrosia iced tea which was absolutely delicious. She also made the daisy centerpieces, one of which is happily sitting on my kitchen counter soaking up sun as I type.

My sister Dana and my niece Camryn put together this absolutely adorable diaper cake, which is also still sitting on my kitchen counter because it's so cute I can't bear to take it apart. I was shocked when she told me this was the first one she had ever made!

One of my favorite parts was the sock dryer line hung above the mantle. I had never seen anything like that before and it was both so sweet and unique. Plus I have tons of socks now!

We dived into the food first because I was starving (go figure) and everything was delicious. We had a blast just catching up on what everyone's been up to.

Casey and I, who is due with her twin boys in less than a month!
My niece was so excited to be my gift helper and you could tell she was chomping at the bit to sit and open presents. I can't even explain the generosity of everyone; Baby Reese was super spoiled and showered with tons of amazing gifts.

My friend Pam put together this fantastic basket - it had pacifiers, wash cloths, socks on a line, tub towels, rubber ducks, onesies, headbands, a book, baby wash and shampoo...I know I'm leaving something out because there was so much! It was such a thoughtful gift and I loved it. The basket is up in the nursery now beginning to accumulate toys.

My sister and her family got us our very much needed car seat with an extra base along with some other smaller items, one of which was a personalized necklace with my future daughter's name. I love it so much and I've been wearing it every day since!

Rachel spoiled us rotten with a my-size PB kids chair and some adorable clothes, including this personalized onesie that I can't wait to put her in!

We definitely can't back out on our name choice now ;-)

My great-aunt (the same one who gave us the super-teary book of family recipes when Carl and I got married) has been in the hospital recently so I definitely was not expecting anything from her. She knit this beautiful blanket for the baby; it's so warm and will come in handy during those colder winter nights.

After all the gifts were opened, we dove into the cake! It was delicious; Pam went all out and did a chocolate top layer while the bottom was funfetti. Both were fantastic, especially served with strawberry ice cream.

Overall, the day was amazing. I couldn't have possibly asked for more out of a shower, it was everything I could have hoped for. I felt so special and loved and it was really great to just see everyone and come together for a happy occasion. I have the best family and friends ever, I know they did so much to make this happen and I can't say enough how much it means to me.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

28 weeks, hello third trimester.

Know what's sobering? Realizing that you have less than 90 days before a baby will be in your arms. That's us, right now. Less than 90 days.

I can remember when the wedding was that far away. It felt like an eternity but it was over in the blink of an eye. I imagine this is exactly how this will feel too. It's hard to think about Christmas because it still seems so far away, but in reality, it's right around the corner. Does anyone get how frightening it is that I'll be responsible for a tiny human being by then? Just me? Okay.

I've been slacking on the weekly pictures, I know. If you want the sugar coated answer, it's because my life has been really busy, I haven't had time, blah blah blah. You want to know the real reason? Well, I used to take those pictures in Carl's office because it was the only place where there was a nice blank wall space. There was a shelf in there that I would prop my iPhone on and then spend the next 30 minutes taking really awkward photos with the timer app until I got one I didn't loathe completely. Eventually, it got dark when I woke up, I was running late for work (most common reason), and then we moved the shelf into the nursery so I lost my prop-site.

Why didn't I just have Carl take them? Well, because then I get photos that aren't great. I love him to death but he takes zero consideration of how I'm standing, my double chin, if I'm even looking at the camera, etc. That one up there was like photo op #650895.

You might also be wondering why I was so dolled up. Well, that's because I was on my way to my shower! My baby shower was this past Saturday and it was amazing. I actually have some nice, non-iPhone photos of the event so that post is coming. Baby Reese was very loved on and we had an amazing day.

I made an unfortunate choice that day; for some reason, I always decide that important events are the times I need to fuck around with my hair or make-up or something. This time it was hair. I love seeing photos of hair that's been curled with a hair straightener. I had all the tools so I thought, this is the time. Right now. I watched a few youtube vid's and was amazed at how easy it looked. I should have practiced a few times before just throwing caution to the wind on the day of the event. It looked good right before I left but I needed a lot more hairspray since it all fell out. I'll definitely try it again but by the end of the day, that shit did not look cute.

Overall, I'm still feeling really great, save for the tireds. It's not nearly as bad as the first trimester but I am so sleepy lately. The second trimester energy is long gone. I've gotten to the point where if I drop something, I alternate between openly weeping and just leaving it there. The inside of my ankles above my achilles tendon absolutely kills on each foot. I noticed this when I was trying to stretch out my feet the other week and Carl poignantly pointed out that it was more than likely due to my center of gravity being out of whack.

So far the belly stretch marks have stopped leaching. I do spend time putting on lotion now so hopefully I can keep them at bay. I'm no stranger to stretch marks, especially on my boobs from gaining and losing weight, but these are the angry, red ones versus the skin-toned ones you can only really see in a certain light.

Otherwise? It's been great. I am loving having a nice, round belly to show off. I don't feel absolutely enormous yet but I'm big enough to get smiles from strangers, doors held open for me, and offered seats for things. I don't know what it is about pregnant people that just makes people happier but I'm loving it. I'm generally a happy person and try to be polite to everyone but clearly not everyone else is like that. So it's nice to have lots of reciprocated happiness since it's hard to be scowly at a preggo.

Oh and I passed my 3-hour glucose test! I had a feeling things were a-ok when they didn't call me the next day like they did when I failed the 1-hour, but I still held my breath while I waited for the nurse to call me back with my results. Can you imagine how much it would have sucked to not eat all the delicious treats at my shower this weekend?

This weekend, our glider is being delivered and we're basically working to finish the nursery up completely. It's absolutely surreal to think that less than 10 weeks from now, I could go at any time. My diaper bag is also on it's way, plus we plan to assembled and install the car seat in the Jeep.

How's that for sobering?

And, just for reference - here is the first day of the second trimester versus the first day of the third.

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