Do you ever browse Instagram or blog posts and feel insanely inadequate because everyone's houses are perfect? Okay, cool, you do too.
I can't tell you how many times I've been scrolling through feeds and posts and been like, wow my house looks like the portal to hell compared to hers. Where are the cushions thrown off the couch? Where are the dog toys? Where is everyone's clothes?
Basically, where is everyone's mess?
I'm going to go ahead and admit something here. I'm freaking guilty of it too. So consider this my "coming clean". My house looks like a bag of assholes 90% of the time. If someone were to swing by unexpectedly, I would probably have a heart attack or become the fastest maid on the planet. Seriously.
If you're coming over for dinner, coming to hang out, or are just swinging by to snag something? I've been cleaning all damn morning. Having constant company is the only thing that keeps my house looking decent.
And so, the admission begins.
Note the arranged coffee table with remotes and stacked magazines. The somewhat decent mantle. Vacuumed and pristine carpet. This makes me smile just looking at it. Also, dog nose.
Let's begin with the obvious. Where are the couch cushions? Well, they're behind the couch. It's much more spacious to starfish out without them on there. So, unless we have company, those puppies are off.
Ironing on the back chair. Footie pajamas on the chair with all the other couch pillows. Carl's Monty Python killer rabbit slipper (Ruby loves to steal and attack these). Doy toys all over. Dog photobomb. Frankly, I'm surprised that the remotes are on the table and not shoved into cushion narnia.
The mountain of clothes is all me too. Do you know what they are sitting on top of? That would be the laundry hamper. Which is empty, by the way. I have no idea why it's so hard to take the extra step and toss it in the hamper, but let's just equate it to the lazy of just tossing your plate in the sink instead of putting them in the dishwasher.
Also, we'll just assume the sheets are in the laundry. Normally that bed would be massively unkempt and unmade.
Can we also discuss that freaking screen in the corner? That's to our one window from when we had the AC unit in our room. Let's all take a minute to call out Carl for longest chore shirk 2014.
Welp, there it is. We are kind of messy. Whatever. We like to spend weekends hanging out in sweatpants and playing video games because we can. It won't be that way forever, so just take solace in the fact that if you come over, the place will be clean.